Life is more than your job. Way way way more. It just may be very hard to see if you don't have a job that is satisfying or that provides enough income to satisfy your basic needs (food, water, shelter, clothing, transportation, utilities, debts, and a bit of extra spending money to enjoy life with or to buffer you against unexpected events or emergencies, e.g. your car breaks down or your bike gets stolen, or you need a new suit for that interview.) If this is your situation, this article is for you.
The benefit of a road map.If you are lost in the circular angst of an uninspiring job and being paid too little to meet your basic needs and financial demands, you are not alone. Knowing this, you try to "get out" by researching job opportunities, scanning Craigslist daily, sending out email and contact blasts on Linkedin, Facebook, or Twitter. This is one way to grow in job skills and...number of jobs, but how to get where you really want to be? Follow a road map with real guidelines and alternates solutions all within the framework of a time-schedule. Take this timeline out occasionally, or on que on your calendar, bi-weekly, monthly, or every 2-3 months. Either way, follow a road map. Notify others. Have them check in with you at scheduled, regular periods of time to keep you on track. Either way, make your road map and actually follow it. You can make changes as you go along, but at least try following it for a while.
Hang-ups. Though, the most important thing (for our overall happiness as well) that people who are in this situation know is that getting hung up on the "job" and "how much money you have" severely limits your ability to 1. enjoy your life, 2. enjoy your free time after work, 3. think about and actually seek other life opportunities, be they work, education, relationships, hobbies, or other personal pursuits such as traveling. Aka, we miss the boat on self-development and life enjoyment when we constantly worry about how much money we are making and whether or not we like or jobs or even whether we will have a job. Even if we have these concerns and must address them, address them within a very specific block of time each day, e.g. 1 hour per day during lunch, or 1 hour in the morning at work, or 1 hour in the evening before dinner time per day, or even, only one day a week, such as on Monday evenings. Whatever works for you, just make sure to categorize those thoughts enough to allow you to focus on things that move you forward or just keep you where you are but allow you to enjoy a richer, more fulfilling expression of that life.
Perspective. Recognizing your limitations with your job search and that time spent worry about money or the future or job-seeking is often fruitless, you will then be able to enjoy the present on a level you have yet to discover. Recognizing that you could be spending those hours reading new books or going to the beach or planning that trip to China you've always wanted to go on is way more satisfying than choosing tubs of ice cream, countless calls home in tears, or purchasing more clothes, electronics or dinners out just to make yourself feel better. Stop pining and start living. Start by leaving the current concerns behind in your head and move forward with your life. Write that blog. Plan that trip to India- and go! Take that year off to live in Alaska. Write that novel in the evenings instead of looking for new jobs. Be productive, go forward, and get out of the cycle of job searching and money-seeking. You will never have more time for yourself than by stopping the activities that hold your brain hostage for so many of your productive waking hours. Use that time to start that mushroom-growing business or that internet business. Be productive for yourself now. You will only hold yourself back by not giving yourself the time and permission to do so by NOT doing other things- such as that hugely time-consuming job of finding new work or fulfilling work. Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for country. Write now. Program now. Contact buyers. Just act on the things that are integral to getting you in the place you want to be. If that is working in your current job and developing job skills, then continue to do that. However, if you want to be somewhere else, this information is here to get you started (and remember to try and enjoy the present as well- check out scheduling for life balance.)
Remind yourself that news headlines temp agencies, and other services prey on the desperate and financially hungry. Ignore the quick solutions, the quicksand traps, and take the long, arduous, and ultimately necessary route to your dream.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
The Importance of The Right People at The Right Time in The Right Place
It is important to understand the value of the right people at the right time in the right place. All too often, we forget how incredibly influential people are on the kind of decisions we make and how we make them and if we make them. Most of us only ask how our decisions are being influenced when we experience some kind of change in the kind of thoughts we are having, such as when new people come into our lives, or in the aftermath of a a relationship when we realize how our thoughts or days have changed when they leave our lives.
I don't mean to say that one ought to go around with a checklist and examine each person to see if they have traits you have identified as conducive to your happiness, success, or best interests. I mean that one should think very carefully about how this person you are interacting with will influence your decisions, particularly if you have long or repeated interaction with that person, such as a boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, co-worker, supervisor, teacher, mentor, mother, father, sister, brother. The issue most commonly arises in situations, not with a mentor or teacher where you have chosen the person for what you want to get out of the relationship, but where you have chosen to interact with the person in spite of or for reasons other than whether their influence is in your best interest. Always ask yourself how their opinions, amount of time spent on certain areas, actions, behaviors, methods of thought are what you want to make your own. This is because the more time you spend with someone, the more your thoughts line up in accordance with their own, and if they do not, the more unhappy you become when they don't address your own best interests.
It is not to say that new people with new ideas cannot also be in your best interest, but when, after careful deliberation or overwhelming or repeated feelings of discomfort arise, that you have not addressed whether your needs are being met and your best interests being considered, it is important to step away from, or spend less time with those whose ideas, behaviors, and thought methods are not the ones you want for yourself.
The catch is that it is not always easy to let go of or back off time spent with people you may otherwise love or enjoy spending time with. The important thing is to recognize where those people add value to your life and where they don't, and then to limit your interactions with them to those areas of your life where they add value. This is particularly important when you have established a close relationship with someone such as a significant other, a best friend, or a circle of friends who no longer meet your needs, or really only ever met that need in one place, and they are poor companions for influencing say your study habits when they like to party, or your workout habits when they like to talk a lot or your open-mindedness on a subject where they are close-minded or their ideas are open-minded but an a trajectory different from the way in which you'd like to be influenced.
Seek them out. Seek out people who you want to be more like, not just people who are like you or people who jive with your opinions or who don't jive with your goals but otherwise satisfy one aspect of your life (like your interest in soccer but not your spiritual, ethical, or emotional trajectory.) Keep these people in your life if they add to it, but make sure that you stay in touch with yourself and who you are by making sure they don't overwhelm the entirety of your person and your time. Give yourself the space to meet and spend time with other people who may be more on the trajectory you are looking for, whether it be a particularly devoted work mind-set, a motivated student mindset, a person to discuss your passions with may they be biochemistry, law, construction, engineering, art or television, person of your religious or spiritual conviction (or non-conviction), or simply someone who laughs at your jokes. Then, gently step away from believing that someone can fulfill all of those roles for you. Let them be your best soccer buddy or your research mentor, but when it comes to things they don't satisfy, make sure you make time for people who do, instead of letting/hoping others will do that for you. Check in with yourself every week/few weeks to see if the people in your life are influencing you the way you want them to.
Getting rid of them is not my aim, but if it comes to that, then allow yourself to accept it and find ways to let them know. This need not be done painfully, rashly or with great flare, but can simply be done by your finding others to satisfy the same needs or spending less time with that person on areas that don't have your interest in mind. Also note that it is not the other person's fault for not knowing what you want or don't want out of the relationship if you have not informed them of this. They will continue to be who they are, and that is not good or bad. There is no value judgment placed on this. Others have to keep their own interests in mind as well. You are merely making the decision to veer more toward those that have your interests in mind. Any personal fault of anyone else's does not play a part in this (unless of course some wrong-doing has been done,) but in most cases, no wrong-doing has been done. There is merely a divergence of interests in what one wants or is seeking. An admission of this is important to yourself and others if the need arises to grow in other way to avoid misunderstandings and broken relationships. This is because it is the nature of people to take things personally if they don't understand why certain actions are being done, and the nature of the person needing change to blame others when they don't know how to identify their own divergence of interests and painfully struggle with why they can't get it out of the person with whom they are best friends, significant others, etc. To expect one person to satisfy all your needs will almost always end in conflict with yourself and others.
I don't mean to say that one ought to go around with a checklist and examine each person to see if they have traits you have identified as conducive to your happiness, success, or best interests. I mean that one should think very carefully about how this person you are interacting with will influence your decisions, particularly if you have long or repeated interaction with that person, such as a boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, co-worker, supervisor, teacher, mentor, mother, father, sister, brother. The issue most commonly arises in situations, not with a mentor or teacher where you have chosen the person for what you want to get out of the relationship, but where you have chosen to interact with the person in spite of or for reasons other than whether their influence is in your best interest. Always ask yourself how their opinions, amount of time spent on certain areas, actions, behaviors, methods of thought are what you want to make your own. This is because the more time you spend with someone, the more your thoughts line up in accordance with their own, and if they do not, the more unhappy you become when they don't address your own best interests.
It is not to say that new people with new ideas cannot also be in your best interest, but when, after careful deliberation or overwhelming or repeated feelings of discomfort arise, that you have not addressed whether your needs are being met and your best interests being considered, it is important to step away from, or spend less time with those whose ideas, behaviors, and thought methods are not the ones you want for yourself.
The catch is that it is not always easy to let go of or back off time spent with people you may otherwise love or enjoy spending time with. The important thing is to recognize where those people add value to your life and where they don't, and then to limit your interactions with them to those areas of your life where they add value. This is particularly important when you have established a close relationship with someone such as a significant other, a best friend, or a circle of friends who no longer meet your needs, or really only ever met that need in one place, and they are poor companions for influencing say your study habits when they like to party, or your workout habits when they like to talk a lot or your open-mindedness on a subject where they are close-minded or their ideas are open-minded but an a trajectory different from the way in which you'd like to be influenced.
Seek them out. Seek out people who you want to be more like, not just people who are like you or people who jive with your opinions or who don't jive with your goals but otherwise satisfy one aspect of your life (like your interest in soccer but not your spiritual, ethical, or emotional trajectory.) Keep these people in your life if they add to it, but make sure that you stay in touch with yourself and who you are by making sure they don't overwhelm the entirety of your person and your time. Give yourself the space to meet and spend time with other people who may be more on the trajectory you are looking for, whether it be a particularly devoted work mind-set, a motivated student mindset, a person to discuss your passions with may they be biochemistry, law, construction, engineering, art or television, person of your religious or spiritual conviction (or non-conviction), or simply someone who laughs at your jokes. Then, gently step away from believing that someone can fulfill all of those roles for you. Let them be your best soccer buddy or your research mentor, but when it comes to things they don't satisfy, make sure you make time for people who do, instead of letting/hoping others will do that for you. Check in with yourself every week/few weeks to see if the people in your life are influencing you the way you want them to.
Getting rid of them is not my aim, but if it comes to that, then allow yourself to accept it and find ways to let them know. This need not be done painfully, rashly or with great flare, but can simply be done by your finding others to satisfy the same needs or spending less time with that person on areas that don't have your interest in mind. Also note that it is not the other person's fault for not knowing what you want or don't want out of the relationship if you have not informed them of this. They will continue to be who they are, and that is not good or bad. There is no value judgment placed on this. Others have to keep their own interests in mind as well. You are merely making the decision to veer more toward those that have your interests in mind. Any personal fault of anyone else's does not play a part in this (unless of course some wrong-doing has been done,) but in most cases, no wrong-doing has been done. There is merely a divergence of interests in what one wants or is seeking. An admission of this is important to yourself and others if the need arises to grow in other way to avoid misunderstandings and broken relationships. This is because it is the nature of people to take things personally if they don't understand why certain actions are being done, and the nature of the person needing change to blame others when they don't know how to identify their own divergence of interests and painfully struggle with why they can't get it out of the person with whom they are best friends, significant others, etc. To expect one person to satisfy all your needs will almost always end in conflict with yourself and others.
The Problem with Attaching Value-statements to Goals And Its Contribution to The Un-Realized Self
Pursue a goal not because you should pursue goals, but because the pursuit of the goal will make you happier. I specifically did not say because the goal will make you happier, but because the pursuit of that goal will make you happier. I do not mean to say that you should decide if you like what that pursuit is, but that you should like pursuing a goal simply to engage in pursuit accompanied by periodic accomplishment. Too often we get caught up in whether we like what we are doing, whether we want to be doing it, whether we should be doing it, and whether the goal is something we want/should be pursuing. All of this value-placing diminishes the important of fully engaging in pursuit. A life without full engagement is something that should be mourned. It is the loss of self-realization and a loss of a life, in many respects.
Very often, this goal needs to be nothing more than a cone or marker on the path to something else. It is a marker to help motivate you on the road of life. Engage in goals for the satisfaction of pursuing a goal, not even for the goal in and of itself. Any thought beyond the goal, especially in the moment of necessary action can lead to the kind of wavering that prevents you from engaging in the pursuit, as you deliberate, doubt, pull-out hair, or otherwise mire in the soup of self-doubt. Don't allow self-doubt each time you are at the point of deciding whether or not to do the activity in pursuit of a goal. Goals are meant to stimulate us to engage in the pursuit, not mire us in the chaos of wavering and self-doubt.
However, even though reflection and self-doubt are essential to making "right decisions," constant deliberation in the moment of pursuit will lead to the pandering away of precious time needed to engage in pursuit. Often, in order to escape the chaos of self-doubt and indecision, it is important for you to realize that the goal itself is not important, merely the fact that you can actually engage in actions that motivate you, encourage your deepest focus, and fully engage the mind. Focus on one thing, no matter what the goal, it is crucial to developing the sense of identity, purpose, confidence, and complete engagement necessary to make us feel important and create meaning in our lives. To not pursue something, anything, well and deeply is to live a life unwrapped or un-lived and to never identify anything and to never know ourselves at all. One must engage deeply in something to experience the flow, the continuity, the core of our potential. What is potential? It is who were are at our greatest most extracted self. To deny ourselves the experience of the most concentrated, extracted self is to never see our potential at all. It is not just that we see part of it, or live life half-way, it is that we never experience realized-self. We are always un-realized until we can decide to and actually engage in something that utilizes our full potential.
Too often we feel that deliberation on its own, indecision, or rationalized-actions are sufficient to pass for self-realization, only to pine over lost time and lack of success, love, money or whatever it may be weeks, months or years later. In reality, this angst over lack of things like success, love, money and the like is really lack of the complete attention or full-engagement of the self in the pursuit of a goal. True accomplishment of these things is important, but more often, lack of full-engagement is the real loss. To realize oneself is to fully engage in pursuit of something.
The identifying markers of love, money and success are just markers to gauge our own levels of accomplishment of self-realization or the fully engaged life. It is important to note that the actual accomplishment of those markers is not important, but that they act only as the measuring tape we've applied to assess whether we are involved in full engagement. More often than not, those markers fail to stimulate us into action and instead act as the pot-holes on the path to full engagement, as we fall in them repeatedly by questioning whether we should be engaging in pursuit. This results in a lot of sprained ankles. No wonder we have not gone very far. Sprained ankles are serious things, and can set back the pursuit of goals for weeks, months or even lifetimes.
So, make note of this, and when your measuring tape is no longer accurate, identify it, attach a note to it reminding yourself that it's broken and riddled with self-doubt. Leave it behind so that you don't use it again. Improper measuring tools will only prevent you from pursuit of full-ambition/ self-realization. Throw out the measuring tape. Pursue something for the sake of pursuit and throw out all the deliberation and goal-valuation that clouds pure focus. Only then will you know self-realization. Only then should you (if ever) attach the sticker of success, happiness, or "best-life." It is always and only a valuation or sticker that can (and very often should) be removed later as life changes. Anything more than that, and you have already lost yourself. Engage fully in something. Pursue the goal. Now.
When full engagement is missing, don't think about the goal itself. Just use the goal as a notch in the tree, a cone on the path to success. Full engagement must come before using the measuring tape and attaching stickers determining worth or value-oriented labels. Any more deliberation than this is not worth your breath (nor your life.)
Very often, this goal needs to be nothing more than a cone or marker on the path to something else. It is a marker to help motivate you on the road of life. Engage in goals for the satisfaction of pursuing a goal, not even for the goal in and of itself. Any thought beyond the goal, especially in the moment of necessary action can lead to the kind of wavering that prevents you from engaging in the pursuit, as you deliberate, doubt, pull-out hair, or otherwise mire in the soup of self-doubt. Don't allow self-doubt each time you are at the point of deciding whether or not to do the activity in pursuit of a goal. Goals are meant to stimulate us to engage in the pursuit, not mire us in the chaos of wavering and self-doubt.
However, even though reflection and self-doubt are essential to making "right decisions," constant deliberation in the moment of pursuit will lead to the pandering away of precious time needed to engage in pursuit. Often, in order to escape the chaos of self-doubt and indecision, it is important for you to realize that the goal itself is not important, merely the fact that you can actually engage in actions that motivate you, encourage your deepest focus, and fully engage the mind. Focus on one thing, no matter what the goal, it is crucial to developing the sense of identity, purpose, confidence, and complete engagement necessary to make us feel important and create meaning in our lives. To not pursue something, anything, well and deeply is to live a life unwrapped or un-lived and to never identify anything and to never know ourselves at all. One must engage deeply in something to experience the flow, the continuity, the core of our potential. What is potential? It is who were are at our greatest most extracted self. To deny ourselves the experience of the most concentrated, extracted self is to never see our potential at all. It is not just that we see part of it, or live life half-way, it is that we never experience realized-self. We are always un-realized until we can decide to and actually engage in something that utilizes our full potential.
Too often we feel that deliberation on its own, indecision, or rationalized-actions are sufficient to pass for self-realization, only to pine over lost time and lack of success, love, money or whatever it may be weeks, months or years later. In reality, this angst over lack of things like success, love, money and the like is really lack of the complete attention or full-engagement of the self in the pursuit of a goal. True accomplishment of these things is important, but more often, lack of full-engagement is the real loss. To realize oneself is to fully engage in pursuit of something.
The identifying markers of love, money and success are just markers to gauge our own levels of accomplishment of self-realization or the fully engaged life. It is important to note that the actual accomplishment of those markers is not important, but that they act only as the measuring tape we've applied to assess whether we are involved in full engagement. More often than not, those markers fail to stimulate us into action and instead act as the pot-holes on the path to full engagement, as we fall in them repeatedly by questioning whether we should be engaging in pursuit. This results in a lot of sprained ankles. No wonder we have not gone very far. Sprained ankles are serious things, and can set back the pursuit of goals for weeks, months or even lifetimes.
So, make note of this, and when your measuring tape is no longer accurate, identify it, attach a note to it reminding yourself that it's broken and riddled with self-doubt. Leave it behind so that you don't use it again. Improper measuring tools will only prevent you from pursuit of full-ambition/ self-realization. Throw out the measuring tape. Pursue something for the sake of pursuit and throw out all the deliberation and goal-valuation that clouds pure focus. Only then will you know self-realization. Only then should you (if ever) attach the sticker of success, happiness, or "best-life." It is always and only a valuation or sticker that can (and very often should) be removed later as life changes. Anything more than that, and you have already lost yourself. Engage fully in something. Pursue the goal. Now.
When full engagement is missing, don't think about the goal itself. Just use the goal as a notch in the tree, a cone on the path to success. Full engagement must come before using the measuring tape and attaching stickers determining worth or value-oriented labels. Any more deliberation than this is not worth your breath (nor your life.)
Right Action or How Smart People Do Stupid Things
What is right action? This morning, right action occurs to me to be something like this:
Wake up, bike to the Fells, run in the fells, then come back and spend the day studying a section of the gre.
The focus is not so much on which activities I do, so much as that those activities are conducive to a healthy lifestyle, and of the kind, in the right way, at the right time, and for the right purpose.
For instance, I could choose to write poetry for my collection for 3 hours and then go meet friends for a party.
The moment of clear thinking is particularly important. It is the moment of choice. It is the moment when we choose how we proceed forward. Too often this moment is taken for granted, pushed-past, skipped over, or left to the fate of haste, hurry and just decide! Haste prevents us from taking "right action" on things we have difficulty accepting, handling, facing, or doing, despite knowing it is something we want to do or face, like choosing between a salad and a donut for lunch, or between studying for an exam or watching a movie. Haste in moments like this, or rather, the steam-rolling over a moment of clear-thinking is particularly detrimental for our future and for our current lives. Just as our bodies have optimal times for digesting food, our brains have optimal times for decision-making. Moments of clear-thinking are essential to the formation of good habits, making a change, reflection, introspection, and allowing oneself to think before acting, living life with your frontal-lobe (the planning, organizing, and decision-making part of the brain, or the one commonly associated with separating humans from animals) and amygdala in concert, as opposed to just your amygdala (the emotion center of the brain), which can lead to regret, shame, and rotten teeth (as well as obesity, depression, anxiety, and many other physical and emotional ailments).
This is how smart people do stupid things. They fail to do right thinking, use moments of clarity wisely, to allow themselves time for reflection in the few moments that they have to make "that crucial decision" about how to proceed with their day, a new action, or any moment where decisions are made, all the way from which yogurt to buy, to whether you will hike Mt. Washington that day, to whether to take a job that has just been offered to you.
All too often, we make decisions out of fear of having to dwell on a difficult one or having to make a decision about something we are uncertain or have not fully fleshed-out all of the concerns we may have about it. This is the time to flesh-out those concerns so that you can see more clearly what decision to make. All too often, we fail to take the time to flesh-out the concerns and fears we have surrounding a particular subject because we dismiss it as taking too much time or that it can be left for another time (aka procrastination.) However, time passes and our thoughts surrounding the issue build up and create patterns of regret and shame as we realize we have pushed the issue into the backs of our minds and failed to address it. So, instead of multiplying into the healthy cells of a liver, it becomes the mutated cells of a tumor, ruefully pushed back and ignored into the furthest reaches of our minds, mutating good intentions into self-doubt, depression, secret-harboring, and un-examined guilt, painted over with ice cream pints, frivolous distraction (at the time rationalized as "necessary"), excessive socializing, television watching party-going, or even book reading. Any action which you choose to do to distract you from facing a complicated issue at a moment of clarity, is an opportunity lost to either continue down a particular road or change direction in accordance with your goals.
However, be careful of "the deliberation distraction," in which discussion of or worry about that which you have difficulty facing, in order to NOT face or do that which is causing you discontent. There is a balance between examining what worries you and simply using that examination as a way to further procrastinate. Instead, examine the options insofar as you need to examine your feelings about it, and then make the decision and act on it. Thought without action, where action is at some point needed, renders thought pointless.
For instance, I can talk for hours and hours about how much I do or don't know whether I should take a particular exam or apply to a particular grad school, but at the end of the day, this is just an excuse to spin my wheels and NOT make a decision about something. I am giving myself permission to harm myself by wasting my time and not giving myself the opportunity to experience life, fail, succeed or take part in the act of living. I mire myself in the quicksand of fear, only to emerge time and again gasping for air but never allowing myself to use that energy to think deliberately.
Identify clear moments of thought, make note of when they usually occur, and use them to deliberate, make a decision, and act. If morning provides the most clarity for you, make sure to set aside 30 minutes to an hour in the morning to "make right decisions".
Wake up, bike to the Fells, run in the fells, then come back and spend the day studying a section of the gre.
The focus is not so much on which activities I do, so much as that those activities are conducive to a healthy lifestyle, and of the kind, in the right way, at the right time, and for the right purpose.
For instance, I could choose to write poetry for my collection for 3 hours and then go meet friends for a party.
The moment of clear thinking is particularly important. It is the moment of choice. It is the moment when we choose how we proceed forward. Too often this moment is taken for granted, pushed-past, skipped over, or left to the fate of haste, hurry and just decide! Haste prevents us from taking "right action" on things we have difficulty accepting, handling, facing, or doing, despite knowing it is something we want to do or face, like choosing between a salad and a donut for lunch, or between studying for an exam or watching a movie. Haste in moments like this, or rather, the steam-rolling over a moment of clear-thinking is particularly detrimental for our future and for our current lives. Just as our bodies have optimal times for digesting food, our brains have optimal times for decision-making. Moments of clear-thinking are essential to the formation of good habits, making a change, reflection, introspection, and allowing oneself to think before acting, living life with your frontal-lobe (the planning, organizing, and decision-making part of the brain, or the one commonly associated with separating humans from animals) and amygdala in concert, as opposed to just your amygdala (the emotion center of the brain), which can lead to regret, shame, and rotten teeth (as well as obesity, depression, anxiety, and many other physical and emotional ailments).
This is how smart people do stupid things. They fail to do right thinking, use moments of clarity wisely, to allow themselves time for reflection in the few moments that they have to make "that crucial decision" about how to proceed with their day, a new action, or any moment where decisions are made, all the way from which yogurt to buy, to whether you will hike Mt. Washington that day, to whether to take a job that has just been offered to you.
All too often, we make decisions out of fear of having to dwell on a difficult one or having to make a decision about something we are uncertain or have not fully fleshed-out all of the concerns we may have about it. This is the time to flesh-out those concerns so that you can see more clearly what decision to make. All too often, we fail to take the time to flesh-out the concerns and fears we have surrounding a particular subject because we dismiss it as taking too much time or that it can be left for another time (aka procrastination.) However, time passes and our thoughts surrounding the issue build up and create patterns of regret and shame as we realize we have pushed the issue into the backs of our minds and failed to address it. So, instead of multiplying into the healthy cells of a liver, it becomes the mutated cells of a tumor, ruefully pushed back and ignored into the furthest reaches of our minds, mutating good intentions into self-doubt, depression, secret-harboring, and un-examined guilt, painted over with ice cream pints, frivolous distraction (at the time rationalized as "necessary"), excessive socializing, television watching party-going, or even book reading. Any action which you choose to do to distract you from facing a complicated issue at a moment of clarity, is an opportunity lost to either continue down a particular road or change direction in accordance with your goals.
However, be careful of "the deliberation distraction," in which discussion of or worry about that which you have difficulty facing, in order to NOT face or do that which is causing you discontent. There is a balance between examining what worries you and simply using that examination as a way to further procrastinate. Instead, examine the options insofar as you need to examine your feelings about it, and then make the decision and act on it. Thought without action, where action is at some point needed, renders thought pointless.
For instance, I can talk for hours and hours about how much I do or don't know whether I should take a particular exam or apply to a particular grad school, but at the end of the day, this is just an excuse to spin my wheels and NOT make a decision about something. I am giving myself permission to harm myself by wasting my time and not giving myself the opportunity to experience life, fail, succeed or take part in the act of living. I mire myself in the quicksand of fear, only to emerge time and again gasping for air but never allowing myself to use that energy to think deliberately.
Identify clear moments of thought, make note of when they usually occur, and use them to deliberate, make a decision, and act. If morning provides the most clarity for you, make sure to set aside 30 minutes to an hour in the morning to "make right decisions".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)