It is important to understand the value of the right people at the right time in the right place. All too often, we forget how incredibly influential people are on the kind of decisions we make and how we make them and if we make them. Most of us only ask how our decisions are being influenced when we experience some kind of change in the kind of thoughts we are having, such as when new people come into our lives, or in the aftermath of a a relationship when we realize how our thoughts or days have changed when they leave our lives.
I don't mean to say that one ought to go around with a checklist and examine each person to see if they have traits you have identified as conducive to your happiness, success, or best interests. I mean that one should think very carefully about how this person you are interacting with will influence your decisions, particularly if you have long or repeated interaction with that person, such as a boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, co-worker, supervisor, teacher, mentor, mother, father, sister, brother. The issue most commonly arises in situations, not with a mentor or teacher where you have chosen the person for what you want to get out of the relationship, but where you have chosen to interact with the person in spite of or for reasons other than whether their influence is in your best interest. Always ask yourself how their opinions, amount of time spent on certain areas, actions, behaviors, methods of thought are what you want to make your own. This is because the more time you spend with someone, the more your thoughts line up in accordance with their own, and if they do not, the more unhappy you become when they don't address your own best interests.
It is not to say that new people with new ideas cannot also be in your best interest, but when, after careful deliberation or overwhelming or repeated feelings of discomfort arise, that you have not addressed whether your needs are being met and your best interests being considered, it is important to step away from, or spend less time with those whose ideas, behaviors, and thought methods are not the ones you want for yourself.
The catch is that it is not always easy to let go of or back off time spent with people you may otherwise love or enjoy spending time with. The important thing is to recognize where those people add value to your life and where they don't, and then to limit your interactions with them to those areas of your life where they add value. This is particularly important when you have established a close relationship with someone such as a significant other, a best friend, or a circle of friends who no longer meet your needs, or really only ever met that need in one place, and they are poor companions for influencing say your study habits when they like to party, or your workout habits when they like to talk a lot or your open-mindedness on a subject where they are close-minded or their ideas are open-minded but an a trajectory different from the way in which you'd like to be influenced.
Seek them out. Seek out people who you want to be more like, not just people who are like you or people who jive with your opinions or who don't jive with your goals but otherwise satisfy one aspect of your life (like your interest in soccer but not your spiritual, ethical, or emotional trajectory.) Keep these people in your life if they add to it, but make sure that you stay in touch with yourself and who you are by making sure they don't overwhelm the entirety of your person and your time. Give yourself the space to meet and spend time with other people who may be more on the trajectory you are looking for, whether it be a particularly devoted work mind-set, a motivated student mindset, a person to discuss your passions with may they be biochemistry, law, construction, engineering, art or television, person of your religious or spiritual conviction (or non-conviction), or simply someone who laughs at your jokes. Then, gently step away from believing that someone can fulfill all of those roles for you. Let them be your best soccer buddy or your research mentor, but when it comes to things they don't satisfy, make sure you make time for people who do, instead of letting/hoping others will do that for you. Check in with yourself every week/few weeks to see if the people in your life are influencing you the way you want them to.
Getting rid of them is not my aim, but if it comes to that, then allow yourself to accept it and find ways to let them know. This need not be done painfully, rashly or with great flare, but can simply be done by your finding others to satisfy the same needs or spending less time with that person on areas that don't have your interest in mind. Also note that it is not the other person's fault for not knowing what you want or don't want out of the relationship if you have not informed them of this. They will continue to be who they are, and that is not good or bad. There is no value judgment placed on this. Others have to keep their own interests in mind as well. You are merely making the decision to veer more toward those that have your interests in mind. Any personal fault of anyone else's does not play a part in this (unless of course some wrong-doing has been done,) but in most cases, no wrong-doing has been done. There is merely a divergence of interests in what one wants or is seeking. An admission of this is important to yourself and others if the need arises to grow in other way to avoid misunderstandings and broken relationships. This is because it is the nature of people to take things personally if they don't understand why certain actions are being done, and the nature of the person needing change to blame others when they don't know how to identify their own divergence of interests and painfully struggle with why they can't get it out of the person with whom they are best friends, significant others, etc. To expect one person to satisfy all your needs will almost always end in conflict with yourself and others.
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