The Importance of Risk in Achieving the Realized-self

I just thought it would be helpful to share with you some of the books and resources that I am reading and that have been helpful in terms of getting me to think about establishing direction, guidance, meaning and action in life.  Some of these are just books that planted the seeds in my head, and whether they speak specifically to genre of self-improvement or not, they have been influential and poignant catalysts to my thought process recently.

Books
The Defining Decade: Why your twenties matter- and how to make the most of them now by Meg Jay
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino
Delivered from Distraction: Getting The Most Out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder


Blogs
Leaving The Law a blog by Jennifer Alvey
http://leavinglaw.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/you-can-do-so-much-with-a-law-degree/ 


Articles
"Is Law School a Losing Game?" January 8, 2011 New York Times Article by David Segal
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/09/business/09law.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all

• Many long conversations with my friend Michael L. and others.
• My own experiences and collective books, articles and essays whose names I've now forgotten.

Response to "The Defining Decade"
At this time, I will respond to just one of the books for the purpose of keeping this article to a reasonable length. However, this book is particularly good at making a point about the twenty something generation (children of the 80's and early 90's), not often described so explicitly.

Meg Jay tries to explain how twentysomethings have been caught in the "swirl of hype and misinformation that has trivialized what is actually the most transformative period of our adult lives."
The following quote embodies what she tries to explain and respond to in her book:

Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find, ten years has got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. -David Gilmore, Nick Mason, Roger Waters, and Richard Wright of Pink Floyd, "Time"

Whether or not it is actually true that the twenties are the most transformative years of our lives, she has some important points regarding acting on your goals. I, rather, think that the greatest degree of emotional and intellectual growth occurs in childhood through age 18 or so, and that the twenties are the time of greatest potential action and change based on our ability to shape our career direction, networks and earning power. The twenties are influential because it it is the time when we can act on impulse, on whim, on long established and hard-worked for goals, on long thought-out plans, or a trip to India embarked on after a few conversations with a new friend and have those ideas shape and color our direction in life for years to come. These changes can be made later in our thirties, forties, fifties and beyond, but our minds are most adaptable, responsive and sponge-like in the twenties. At this time, our brains our both incredibly impressionable and incredibly willing to take risks and take actions that will decide the fate and color the direction of our thoughts and behaviors for the rest of our lives. It is as if all the pieces of the quilt are there but the pattern they create is not yet stitched together until our twenties, and then simply further explored for the rest of our years. This is a rather simplistic and not totally correct expression for everyone, but for many people, the patterns we tread for the rest of our life are rapidly (or slowly and carefully) stitched together in our twenties. The thoughts we think, the people we meet, the kinds of activities we do and the number of hours spent doing them considerably affects the circuitry of our brains during a time when we come into the power to shape our futures through our actions and interactions with others. Hence, the power of the defining decade, the value of "now," and "the world as our oyster" come into clear view as we understand the critical timing of the twenties and how important it is to listen and take right action within them.

Decide to reflect.
"The time is now," is her message, but what exactly does "now" mean? Does this mean we should run out into the streets nude and dance from rooftops? Should we quit our jobs, join the ranks of unemployed and starving artists? Yes and no. It requires a bit of self-examination and reflection. Yes, reflection. Reflection wrought out with paper and pen, stone and anvil, clay and stylus, sand and brush, napkin and lipstick, or computer and word processor. However you choose to do it, do it again. Make a list. Write it out. Make a song. Draw a picture. Speak it into existence.

I'm sure you've made these lists before, maybe even hundreds of times as you've see-sawed indecisively through your twenties and maybe even early thirties, but try looking at those lists once more or write one again (as chances are things have probably changed since you wrote that list, even if only 3 months ago.)

Write it out.
Plot out the whims, the desires, the angst, the pleasures, the wants, the goals, the loves, the hates, just let it all flow out for 20 minutes of pure, uninterrupted thought. Let the core of your being come to the surface, be those ideas evil dragons or milk-fresh princesses. Let the things you feel and want and the things you need come out. Don't inhibit yourself by what others want or by what you should do. This is a writing exercise, not a contract for your life.

Now you've written it/ drawn it/ spoken it, what does it say?

Stop thinking of your life as a contract written in stone. Nothing is written in stone, and the thing you think are will at some point be dramatically wiped away with the stroke of a brush. Think about what you, at the core of your being wants and no one else. This is not defiance or rebelliousness, just pure and simple truth about who you are, what you are passionate about, and hence, what you are most likely to succeed at and from which you will likely draw your greatest income if pursued to its fullest. Give yourself the chance you deserve to be a productive member of society and a fulfilled self with a fully-realized sense of identity.

Some helpful advice from my friends.
Risk as the vehicle for moving direction of your dream (and achieving it.)
Two years wasted in pursuit of your dream (or one of them) is not wasted at all. We waste years of our life in all sorts of ways. There is no one who hasn't wasted a year or two of their lives. Waste it for yourself. Waste it in pursuit of yourself.  Waste it in spite of yourself. You'll be surprised how "wasting" that time by taking a risk may actually be the best move you've ever made. Take more risks. I'm not asking you to take ridiculous risks like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute, but a risk in pursuit of your dream is definitely one worth, well,  risking it all.

If you believe that we are wasting time by taking a risk, chances are you have not accomplished your dream yet. Am I right? A risk is inherently risky by nature and hence, we yes, run the risk of wasting time.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Backward. If you get discouraged, which is as common as sliced bread, this piece of advice will keep you plodding along when it feels like you are fighting an invisible enemy in the dark along a road with no road-signs or markers to give you a sense of how far you have progressed. In a moment of panic and distress years ago, a supportive professor gave me this piece of advice: two steps forward, one step backward. With each step, we may not get to exactly where we want to be. We may actually go backwards, get a C on that math exam we studied for for weeks or lose our cool after nights spent in a musty library shoveling legalese into our brains while the sun shines and beach-goers mock you with their sandy bods and coaster-sized sunglasses. Nothing worth pursuing was ever pursued in vain. We want to give up and break down. Don't.

This quote says don't underestimate the power of failure to teach us how to proceed forward. Some days we go backwards a few steps, some days forward ten steps, and others a long plateau, but always moving forward when moving forward sometimes means going backwards or standing still. Then, pop your head up occasionally to reflect on where you  are and how you could revise our approach, should your progress not be as expected. Sometimes we must simply lower our expectations for how long something takes. Let the project be our guide, rather than rashly deciding it's "not worth our time." You might be surprised at what it can teach you.


Find a mentor. Talk to a friend that cares. That mentor may be a parent, a counselor, a professor, a teacher, a friend, a fellow MBA student you met at the bar last night. Whomever. Just make sure you have someone to bounce ideas off who is supportive with just enough criticism to keep you on your toes and who pushes you to get going and keep up with your goals. He or she might say, "You haven't taken that grad school entrance exam yet? What are you waiting for?" Or, "Did you start that novel yet? I want to read the first few pages by next week Monday." Or, "You should definitely work on your Spanish. You have a a shot at this interpreting job. We can work on it together through conversation."

Act on your chosen risk. Whatever you do, do something now. Take that programming class. Go for that MBA at Stanford. Take that class on sociology and gender studies at the local university after the workday is through. Secure a space to do your welding. Go to the meeting for venture capitalists and entrepreneurs. Go for that internship in California. Try out that farming experience in France. At least you'll improve your French, find out you like sustainable food, discover you hate milk but love cows and that hard physical work can be a great way to let of steam, and maybe find out you want to become a veterinarian. That's all? Who knew!? So, take a risk, take a walk. What difference does it make? Actually, it might just make all the difference in the world.

Focus. And then, when you find that special thing, focus. As Dogen says, "When you find your place, practice begins."